And the Breathy Oh My God Goes To
by JellyBean30
Summary: Hameron Smut. Absolutely ridiculous crossover with Jurassic Park that I wrote on a dare.  Completely silly.  Really.  No flames, I'm aware of it's ridiculousness. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is a short and ridiculous little story I wrote for the Secret Saturday Night Smut-a-Thon (June) at the Fox Forum. Our prompt was to write a story that took place in a park. Through much fault of my own, I accepted a dare to write a story that took place at Jurassic Park. (Why? I don't know. My therapist & I will get back to you.)

_**And the Breathy 'Oh My God' Goes To …**_

_Chapter 1_

Cameron groaned loudly as she was jostled back and forth violently. A little gentle rocking she could handle, but this was more than she could stand. She groaned again as a particularly turbulent thrust shook her. She hadn't wanted him to see the effect this was having on her, but the inevitable was getting more and more difficult to hold off.

"This is going to get a little rough," a deep voice said in her ear. _Going to?_ Cameron thought.

The next jolt was swift and merciless, snapping her had back on her neck. In an instant, Cameron knew she couldn't hold back any longer. _Damn,_ she thought.

Cursing her own weakness, Cameron grabbed the airsick bag she'd been provided and heaved. House tried, unsuccessfully, to control the smirk that crept across his features.

"Don't worry, Dr. Cameron, it's only another minute or two," the deep voice said again. Cameron groaned again and shot a hateful glance at the co-pilot whose voice was speaking through her headphones.

Thankfully he was telling the truth and a few minutes later the helicopter settled onto solid ground. The grounds crew approached and the flight crew began preparing to disembark while Cameron squeezed her eyes tight and tried to convince her stomach to crawl back down her throat. After a minute or two, when Cameron was reasonably sure she wouldn't throw up, she opened her eyes.

"Ready?" an amused House asked.

"In a minute," she squeaked out. House laughed.

"Come on, Al, where's your sense of adventure?" he teased her.

"In an airsick bag," Cameron barked.

"How did you ever make it through med school with such a weak stomach?"

"Back off, old man," Cameron warned.

"Hey, you're the one who said we needed some time away," House protested.

"When I suggested a tropical vacation, this isn't what I had in mind," Cameron moaned. She unfastened her safety harness and stood up on unsteady legs.

"Want to borrow my cane?" House offered, his voice laced with something other than sincerity.

"Bite me," Cameron snapped.

"Where?" House asked, wiggling his eyes suggestively. Cameron just snarled at him and House laughed again.

Members of the grounds crew reached into the helicopter and aided Cameron and House to the ground. The pair allowed themselves to be escorted to a waiting Jeep. As they drove away from the helipad, Cameron couldn't deny the beauty of the lush tropical surroundings. True, she'd been hoping for a few days on a sunny Bahamian beach, but she supposed she should have known Greg would never choose such a conventional vacation spot.

"So, where are we?" Cameron asked.

"Costa Rica," House answered.

"Why Costa Rica?"

"You'll see," he said mysteriously.

"Dr. House, it's just past this next clearing," the driver said from the front seat.

"What is?" Cameron asked, but the driver just smiled. House shook his head. "Greg, this is getting ridiculous, you can't just load me onto a plane and then …."

Cameron's voice trailed off as the Jeep passed through an enormous gate. Her eyes grew wide enough for House to contemplate a joke about her eyeballs falling out. She looked at House in awe.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Welcome to Jurassic Park," the driver said.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

Cameron and House entered the expansive building their driver had stopped in front of. **VISITOR CENTER** a garish red sign announced as they pushed their way through the heavy double doors. The high vaulted ceilings and massive staircase would have been impressive if not for the scuffed floors and faded paint. Staff in yellow polo shirts or long white lab coats bustled to and fro seemingly oblivious to their presence.

"This isn't exactly a tourist spot anymore," Cameron observed. "In fact I thought I read that it had been turned into a wildlife preserve. What are we doing here?"

"Dr. House," a voice called from the top of the stairway. House and Cameron looked up and watched an elderly man make his way slowly down the stairs. Cameron's eyes goggled once again as she recognized John Hammond.

"Mr. Hammond," House proffered his hand and the two men shook. "Bitchin' cane."

Hammond's eyes twinkled as he lifted the walking aid with arthritis gnarled fingers. Cameron was intrigued by the cane's handle; it was the largest piece of amber she'd ever seen and held a perfectly preserved mosquito inside.

"Dr. House, I'm so grateful you could take time out of your busy schedule for me," Hammond said. Cameron barely covered a very unladylike snort with a cough. "This is a terrible misfortune for my employees."

"It's an interesting case," House said as he shot Cameron a warning look.

"Well then let's get you settled," Hammond said. "You must be Dr. Cameron," he said as he offered Cameron his arm in a charmingly courtly gesture.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hammond," Cameron said sweetly as she linked her arm with his and allowed him to lead her away.

&&&&&&&

"You scammed our vacation trip out of that sweet old man," Cameron railed at House as soon as they were alone in their room.

"No," House argued. "I agreed to consult on an epidemic that's affecting the staff here."

"Why?" Cameron demanded.

"Why what?"

"Why did we have to come here? None of the staff is so sick that they couldn't be transported. If you wanted to consult on the case you could have had the patients transferred to PPTH," Cameron rambled on. "You never go out of your way just to help someone and … and you already know what's wrong with them don't you?"

"Very good," House said. He loved watching her figure things out; the little crinkle in her forehead was adorable. "So why did I really come here?"

Cameron paused to think for a moment. House never had just one reason for doing anything. She decided to start with the obvious and work from there.

"A week away from the clinic, obviously," Cameron said as she began pacing the room. "If you cure them … Hammond will probably donate to the hospital. Cuddy will have a cow and you'll rub it in her face for years." Cameron paused again. "And I can only assume that your curiosity about the dinosaurs played a role. But why drag me into the deeps of Costa Rica?"

"Because you missed one," House said, his voice low. Cameron raised an eyebrow. He reached into his suitcase, lying beside him on the bed and pulled out something very flimsy and tossed it at her. Cameron held it up and a leopard print negligee, that would really cover nothing, unfurled. "Me Tarzan, you Jane."


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

House advanced on Cameron with a leonine grace no crippled man should rightly possess. Cameron watched his progress warily. She had long ago given up on trying to deny her body's reactions to him. It was futile. But enough years with House had drilled into her a certain defiant streak that came in handy. Her _body_ might traitorously respond to him, but that didn't mean _she_ had to.

House recognized the willful set of Cameron's jaw as he approached. She wasn't going to make this easy. That only made it more fun. As he edged closer Cameron retreated until her back was against the wall, one of House's favorite positions. He placed a hand on either side of her and lowered his head agonizingly slowly.

"It's not going to work," Cameron said a little breathlessly.

"No?" he asked, unconcerned. House leaned closer and kissed her slender neck, making his way upward until he reached her earlobe, which he suckled briefly. He pulled back and noted Cameron's closed eyes and flushed cheeks with satisfaction. He moved to the other side of her neck and repeated.

Cameron let herself react just enough to make him think he'd won. She arched her neck to his lips, raised her hands to rest lightly on his chest and ran one foot along his calf. She felt his lips stretch in what could only be a self-satisfied smirk against her skin and decided she'd let him go far enough. She pushed against his chest, not so hard as to make him stumble but hard enough to get her point across.

"Nu-uh," she said. "First you solve Hammond's little problem, and then I'll solve yours."

"My problem," House growled, "is _not_ little."

&&&&&&&

House agreed to see the patients when he realized Cameron was serious. He and Cameron performed a few exams and House was convinced he'd been right. He had Cameron collect a few samples and sent her off to the lab to confirm the diagnosis while he checked on the last few patients to make sure there weren't any surprise symptoms.

Cameron entered the lab she had been directed to and found a young male lab tech examining an impossibly large femur.

"That's the biggest bone I've ever seen," Cameron blurted out.

The lab tech looked up at Cameron and flushed crimson. "E-excuse me?"

"Your specimen," Cameron said. "It's very impressive."

"My .. ah …" he cleared his throat. "My what?"

"The femur, junior," House said in an amused voice as he entered from the hall. He turned to Cameron. "You checked those samples?"

"I was just getting to that," Cameron said. House watched Cameron prepare the samples. He missed watching her work since she'd taken a position in immunology. When she placed the first slide under the microscope, House walked up behind her to peer over her shoulder.

"Dr. House," Cameron drawled, "is that a fossil in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

The lab tech choked.

House glared at him.

"That was lame," House whined.

"You can't go wrong with a classic," Cameron commented. "You were right. "

"Of course," House scoffed. "I'll let the staff know they can start the treatment. I'll see you," he dropped a kiss on her cheek and shot a gloating glance at the tech, "in our room."


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

When Cameron arrived at their shared room, it was nearing twilight. House waited, impatiently tapping his cane on the floor while she changed out of her 'work appropriate' attire into clothes House had chosen for her. Cameron stuck her head out from the bathroom in confusion.

"Greg, why am I putting this on?"

"You talk too much," House grumbled, pulling a T-rex Pez dispenser from his pocket and popping something white in his mouth.

"Please tell me you did not just pop a vicodin from your Pez dispenser," Cameron said.

"I did not just pop a vicodin from my Pez dispenser," House repeated dutifully. Cameron emerged from the bathroom, dressed in what could only be described as hiking clothes, and tied her hair back in a loose ponytail.

"Finally," House muttered. He tossed a back pack at her and limped out of the room at a brisk pace, leaving Cameron no choice but to follow.

&&&&&&&

Thirty minutes later a driver dropped House and Cameron at small clearing among the towering trees. House seemed completely at ease, but Cameron couldn't help but feel nervous. The driver had assured them this part of the island was home to only the most docile of creatures, but given the island's reputation his reassurance was less than comforting.

"What are we doing out here?" Cameron whispered urgently as House started walking toward the back of the clearing, Cameron close on his heels.

"Why are you whispering?" House whispered back. Cameron glared at him. "I told you, me Tarzan, you Jane."

"No way," Cameron said. "I am _not_ having sex with you in the middle of the jungle while prehistoric predators roam the land."

House stopped in his tracks. "Drama queen." Cameron just glared some more. "Look, I talked to the game warden and the paleontologist and Hammond. The T-Rex has never been to this part of the island. It's no more dangerous here than it is at Disneyland."

"Disneyland?" Cameron asked uncertainly.

"Sure, think of this like The Pirates of the Caribbean," House said as he resumed walking. "What's the worst that could happen? The ride breaks down and you have to stare at the pirates for a while."

"Greg, if The Pirates of the Caribbean ride breaks down the pirates don't eat you," Cameron reasoned. "I want to go back."

"Well, the driver isn't coming back for a couple of hours," House said. They'd reached the end of the clearing and House started examining the tree trunks. "There's an observation tower way up in one of these trees. We'll be perfectly safe, and if we're lucky we'll get to see some dinosaurs."

"And not get eaten," Cameron mumbled. Her eyes darted around nervously until a metallic whoosh earned her attention. She looked back at House to find him standing inside an elevator in the trunk of the largest tree. "Cool."

&&&&&&&&

On the other side of the trees at the edge of the small clearing they had walked through was a large valley. The lush, verdant grass blew gently in the night breeze and the stars twinkled overhead. Night blooming flowers scented the air pleasantly. Cameron didn't notice any of those things.

"Oh…god," Cameron breathed. She and House stood at the railing of the observation deck in the trees. The view of the landscape was incredible in its own right, but that wasn't what awed Cameron.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not god," House breathed in her ear as he leaned against the rail.

Dinosaurs. There were dinosaurs in the valley. A brachiosaur was crunching the leaves off the top of a tree nearly as tall as the one they stood in. A family … a _family_ …of stegosaurs were drinking in a watering hole on the west edge of the valley.

"Greg, they're … I … wow," Cameron could barely speak. House smiled. His curiosity was what had drawn him here and there was no denying the creatures before him were magnificent. But nothing was more amazing than watching the slender creature in his arms as she gazed delightedly upon them.

House and Cameron stood and watched the dinosaurs for nearly an hour before she noticed him shifting his weight behind her. _His leg must be getting tired,_ she thought. Cameron turned in his arms and looked up into his blue, blue eyes.

"Thank you," she said simply. He nodded. He might admit his feelings in his own mind, but voicing them was still difficult for him. "When did you say the driver would be back to pick us up?"

"Not for another hour or so," House said. He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"You Tarzan, me Jane," Cameron purred.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

Cameron unbuttoned the top button of her khaki blouse to reveal a leopard printed pattern adorning her pert breasts.

"You wore it," House said in surprise.

"I wasn't expecting to be in the middle of the jungle," Cameron answered. "But since we are…"

She leaned up on the tips of her toes and placed a soft, teasing kiss on his lips. He stayed perfectly still and she placed a second kiss and then a third. With the fourth, she allowed her tongue to dart out and brush his lips ever so gently. He knew the game she was playing. She was giving him something he wanted and now he was supposed to give her something she wanted.

She wanted control.

He'd never been as surprised as when he found out Cameron was not the tense, uptight woman he'd become accustomed to once she was in the bedroom. He remembered their first coupling fondly. She'd jumped him. Literally. He'd been hiding on the couch in Wilson's office. She'd come looking for him to argue about something. There had been some sassy barbs tossed between them and she'd pounced.

It was hot and frantic. He'd been sure she would want their first time together to be romantic and special. Instead she'd popped five buttons off his shirt because she was too impatient to let him undo it properly. She'd forced him back on the couch, dragged his jeans down off his slender hips and straddled him. They'd never actually removed any clothes at all. She was strong and confident and the hottest damn thing he'd ever seen.

After the sixth kiss and the third tracing of his lips with her tongue he couldn't hold himself back any more. He leaned forward to deepen the kiss and she pulled back, denying him.

The gentle moonlight that had been playing across her features vanished as clouds drifted through the night sky. In Princeton, it's never really dark outside. There are too many streetlights, pizza signs, and traffic signals. In the jungle, when the moon is hidden an inky blackness descends.

"Greg?" Cameron said a little timidly.

"We're safe," House assured her. "I'm right here."

She wrapped her arms around him tightly. He leaned down to kiss her. The darkness was so perfect that he missed her lips and kissed her nose instead.

"Guess we'll have to go by feel," Cameron said.

"What a shame," House drawled. He pulled on her arms gently and they sank to the observatory floor.

House guided Cameron to her back and began slowly undoing the buttons on her blouse. He couldn't see the negligee she'd worn for him but he didn't mind. The fact that he couldn't see her only served to heighten his sense of touch. When he first brushed his fingers over her breast they tingled.

Cameron leaned up and shrugged the blouse off her shoulders. She pulled House's head to her neck and hummed as he first ran his stubbled cheek across her skin and then soothed it with his tongue. Even this close, she couldn't see him. It was surreal; like something from a dream.

She toed off her sneakers and socks and then wiggled her foot inside the leg of his jeans to caress the back of his calf. She tugged on the hem of his t-shirt and he detached himself from her neck long enough to yank it over his head. She trailed her fingers lightly over his exposed chest, following the trail his hair blazed down to the waist of his jeans.

House shuddered at the feather light touch of her nails on his abdomen. Everywhere her skin touched his felt like it was on fire. There was something so strangely erotic about not being able to see her at all. It made him want to feel, hear, smell and taste her, just to satisfy himself that she was real.

He reached one hand down to the leg she had lifted to rub his calf. Running his fingers down her hip and past the edge of her shorts he caressed the back of her knee. She moaned quietly as he teased one of her most sensitive spots. Having heard her pleasure House ran his hand smoothly up her inner thigh under her shorts.

Cameron began unfastening House's jeans as he traced lazy circles on her thigh. House leaned over her and helped her drag his jeans down off his narrow hips. He kicked off his sneakers and shoved his jeans to the side. Cameron's shorts quickly followed.

Cameron pushed House's chest and he lay on his back. She removed her panties and climbed atop him, letting her now dripping core hover just above the tented front of his boxers.

House reached his hand out to Cameron and was surprised to feel her fingers interlacing with his own. In such perfect blackness, she couldn't have seen him. For some unknown reason, no words had been spoken since they'd settled to the floor. It was as if she knew he was reaching for her. Like they were connected somehow. The very thought was so intensely erotic that House had to have Cameron now. He lifted his hips and felt her hands already at his waist to remove his boxers. She obviously felt the connection too and shared his reaction to it.

The last barrier between them gone, House sat up and pulled Cameron down hard onto him. He buried his face between her breasts and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to him.

They rocked together in an ageless dance of passion, clinging to each other fiercely. Their moans lilted through the valley as they pleased each other.

Cameron could feel her climax coming by the tingling in her soles of her feet. She pressed her head into House's neck to stifle a cry of pleasure.

House had been holding off his own climax waiting for Cameron's release. When she clamped her mouth against his neck he let go.

Just as his own orgasm began Cameron yelped loudly and pushed hard against him. He fell back against the observatory floor and rapped his head sharply.

"What the hell are you doing?" House barked

"Something touched me," Cameron hissed.

"That was me," House grumbled.

"No, something wet and slimy touched my back," Cameron insisted. House opened his mouth to tell her she was imagining things when a low, deep noise startled them both.

"Greg?" Cameron called out in fear, scrambling into his lap. "What was that?"

"I don't know, but it sounded close," House answered. He wound his arms around her and wished that the clouds would pass.

"I'm scared," Cameron said. Before House could answer he felt something graze his leg. He jerked back and Cameron yelped again.

Suddenly, a strong breeze parted the blanketing clouds and moonlight flooded the night.

A brachiosaur blinked it's large, placid eyes at the pair lazily. The low, deep noise sounded again and was followed by a searching tongue. The brachiosaur breathed deeply, rustling the piles of discarded clothes. The leopard print negligee fluttered off the edge of the observation deck.

"What is it doing?" Cameron whispered nervously.

"Looking for something," House said slowly, thoughtfully. He tilted his head to one side. "I think it heard us."

"Heard us?" Cameron asked in confusion.

House looked at her pointedly and Cameron flushed.

"It's a herbivore, right?" Cameron asked in a more confident tone of voice. House nodded and watched as Cameron crawled slowly forward and tentatively stretched a hand out to pet the brachiosaur's nose. "Oh my god," she breathed.

House grunted. "Two weeks of planning, I cured a half dozen sick patients and arranged for a real life jungle adventure and the _dinosaur_ gets the breathy 'oh my god'."

&&&&&&&&

House tapped his cane in an annoying rhythm on the floor of the plane that Mr. Hammond had chartered to return them to civilization.

"Greg, would you please stop that?" Cameron asked with a false patience.

"I'm annoyed," House said shortly.

"Yeah, got that," Cameron said. "Want to tell me why?"

"No, I want _you_ to be annoyed too," House replied.

"Mission accomplished," Cameron said. "Now tell me why you're annoyed."

"What was the most memorable part of this vacation?" House asked, and Cameron furrowed her brow at his apparent change in topic.

"Petting a brachiosaur?" Cameron suggested and as soon as the words came out of her mouth she realized why he was annoyed. "Okay, petting a brachiosaur and _not_ you."

House didn't answer, just looked out the window into the clouds. It was petty and childish, but that was House. He knew the dinosaurs would be amazing; he was just looking to get a little credit.

"Of course the beach was pretty nice too," Cameron continued. Now that she knew what his problem was she intended to have a little fun torturing him before telling him what he wanted to hear. "I've got a great tan. And I've never been to Costa Rica."

She crawled across the seat and into House's lap. He turned his face away from her. He didn't want to let her off the hook so easily.

"I guess I owe a thank you to the man who made this all possible," she purred into his ear. He turned his head slightly and Cameron pressed several soft kisses to his cheek before planting one soundly on his lips. "What do you think Mr. Hammond would like as a thank you gift?"

"You are such a …"

"I love you."

"Yeah, yeah," House said, still grumpy.

"I bet I can cheer you up and salvage this wreck of a plan," Cameron said knowingly. House raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "You still get to tell the boys how you solved the case even before you saw the patients," House nodded while Cameron began unbuttoning his shirt.

"And you still get to rub it in Cuddy's face that _you_ secured a huge donation for the hospital," House nodded again as Cameron continued by removing his belt from his jeans.

"But you're looking for a good story to tell Wilson about me," House didn't react. Cameron just looked at him until finally House nodded in agreement.

"Want to join the Mile High Club?"

House grinned.

"That's my girl."


End file.
